The Road Fairy comes to Dave LaRock

Every two years, a wonderful supernatural creature appears in the dreams of Virginia GOP candidates to give them the magical power to build all the new roads they want, and never, ever having to pay for it.

Tea Party right wing wacko House delegate candidate David LaRock is merely the latest to have been the recipient of such nocturnal visitations from the Road Fairy.

Along with informing us that he has many, many offspring, LaRock’s near-daily campaign mailers have been touting Dave’s ability to grant us all our road wishes without costing the taxpayers a penny.

First, he explained that he was going to demand that Northern Virginia get its “fair share” of transportation funding, without raising any taxes, thus allowing us to have more roads merely by taking away road dollars from all the rest of the state, which will beam happily and tell us what an honor it is to give up their roads for ours.

Now Dave is offering the more nuanced policy prescription, that he is going “demand results,” summoning his “businesslike” experience, thus getting us roads built without having to spend any money but merely through sheer force of character.

If only Joe May, the longtime GOP incumbent whom LaRock defeated in the Republican primary in June, had ever thought to demand that Northern Virginia get its fair share of transportation dollars or even simply “demand results” in all those years he has served as chairman of the Virginia House of Delegates Transportation Committee, perhaps he would not have lost. Instead, alas, May voted in favor of a bipartisan bill that provided new funding for road construction, but made the mistake of also admitting we have to pay for it, thereby committing the unspeakable crime in the eyes of today’s Virginia GOP of having mastered arithmetic.

LaRock’s major contribution to policy solutions to date has been to illegally park at various locations around the county a trailer bearing the effigy of a large inflatable pig, to symbolize his implacable opposition to any and all government spending on transportation. But we’re sure that Dave’s businesslike character and magical powers will handily make up for our region’s complete loss of a key committee in the legislature, his opposition to paying for anything that he wants, and for any little political difficulties that might arise in convincing the rest of the state’s delegates to let us have their money.

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